Silver Spoon Kids

I just finished reading book #10 - Silver Spoon Kids - How Successful Parents Raise Responsible Children, by Eileen and Jon Gallo. I cannot remember how I stumbled upon this book, but it is really good.

It starts out saying that affluence is a double-edged sword. It allows us to raise children in comfort, but also allows over-indulgence. It gives us the ability to buy products and services that help learning and development but also makes it easier to focus on materialism. It increases the choices available to our children, but overloads them with activities. It enables them to be involved in philanthropy but creates a sense of entitlement. The authors state that affluence is actually often a state of mind rather then a glut of money, and many people that are "living the life" can not really afford it. Hence the bankruptcies and credit crises we are now seeing. The authors aren't all gloom and doom about money though. They basically say that kids can be taught to be appreciative and respectful, if they develop healthy relationships with money and needs vs. wants. (Hmm, sounds like some of my old posts....) They also advocate philanthropy from an early age, and say it is especially important for teenagers who are in a self-centered period of life. The authors talk about the "school curriculum" and how it encourages classism - the process of treating groups of people differently because of their class background. (We experienced this first hand when Alex was in 2nd grade - public school...) And one of my favorite positive quotes is "Affluence is simply an additional opportunity to make the world a better place."

Here's a review from TIME Magazine:

On page 89 of the new book Silver Spoon Kids, a guide for wealthy parents on how to raise fiscally responsible children, is a list of the 10 worst things you can say to your kids about money. Things like: We can't afford it, Time is money, and We'll talk about it later.
I wasn't guilty of them all, but enough to start me thinking. I want my kids to work hard, appreciate what they have and give to causes they believe in. Yet we live in an age when "affluenza" makes the cover of Forbes, and young adults have serious credit-card problems. Does the fact that my daughter sees me whipping out my credit card several times a day mean she will be back on our doorstep with her hand out at age 25?

Hoping not, I dug into this book, written by Jon and Eileen Gallo, husband (he's an estate-planning attorney) and wife (she's a psychotherapist), who have spent the past 17 years raising their three kids. And I came away cautiously optimistic. The Gallos, it turns out, are realists. They believe it's normal for children to want everything they see on TV. They know that kids can be relentless. And they're not of the opinion that money is a bad thing; quite the opposite in fact. "We tell people money never hurt anyone," says Jon Gallo. "It's money without values that's the problem."
But how do you instill the right values in your kids? It's a matter of showing them three things, according to the Gallos:
1. Show them balanced behavior by separating wants from needs. One parent the Gallos worked with watched her daughter run down the Barbie aisle at Toys "R" Us and insist she "needed" a purple purse for her doll. The mother paused and said, "Your Barbie already has a pink purse. Do you think she needs a purple one too?" On her own, the little girl decided no.

2. Show them the money. Giving your kids money — an allowance when they're young and, the Gallos suggest, a prepaid credit card like Visa Buxx when they're teens — is key to teaching them how to live within their means as adults. Use the start of an allowance (or a raise) to discuss what your kids are expected to do: Are they responsible for buying their own candy at the movies, their own CDs at the mall? Are they expected to save some and give some away? (For youngsters, I've recently come across a terrific plastic piggy bank called the Money Savvy Pig. It's clear (so the kids can see money adding up) and has four slots, one each for saving, spending, investing and donating. You can get it on the Web at www.moneysavvygeneration.com for $14.95.

3. Show them how to give. Particularly when they are young, they're open to the message that they need to help. Spend a morning stocking the shelves at a local food pantry. Walk with them for causes like breast cancer or heart disease. Help them count the change they save, then write a check for that amount to a charity they choose. And be sure to request that the thank-you note comes to them.
By Jean Chatzky


If you're interested, the authors have a website and another book - see Financially Intelligent Parent or fiparent.com . Also if you're still with me...

More of my favorite excerpts from the book:

Electronic media
Most American by the age of 18 will have spent more time in front of a television then in school... When not watching TV, they're online. The problem is not the medium itself - computers, television - but rather what it prevents kids from doing. Engaging in real conversations with real people is how kids mature emotionally and become socialized. Face-to-face communication is the key to what counts in life, from a happy family to physical health and longevity. Participating in activities with friends and adults provides experiences that help shape values. When kids spend hours watching TV, a computer screen or playing video games, they are robbed of conversations and activities. It's no wonder that many of them are emotionally stunted and do not develop the solid values that keep them from becoming spoiled, entitled, snobbish or unmotivated. (page 8)

Ten Worst Things You Can Say to Your Kids -

1. We can't afford it
2. We'll talk about it later
3. We'll pay you for every A on your report card
4. Money is the root of all evil
5. Time is money
6. Thta's not an appropriate question
7. They're disgustingly rich
8. Don't ever let anyone know how much money we have
9. Why don't you have your friends here - we have a __________, after all
10. Be thankful you don't live there

For more explanation of these see page 89.

School Curriculum
Although it would be nice to think that the educational system combats classism, historically it encourages it. A Harvard study found that teachers expectations about the academic potential of their students were based almost entirely on the racial and socioeconomic status of the families. Consequently, teachers spend more time with these students and less with the students they expect to fail, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. (page 143)

Give and You Shall Receive ( page 155)
Philanthropy is a meaningful activity. This is no small point considering that teenagers often view the world from an existential perspective. At the most extreme they adopt a cynical pose and believe in nothing except their own immediate needs. Philanthropic endeavors contradict this notion of a meaningless existence. When adolescents especially perform services for others who are less well off, they relaize that they possess the capacity to do something meaningful, and by extension they learn they can live meaningful lives. This can start the process whereby teenagers shuck off the cynicism and begin to mature into responsible adults.

The Desire to Live a Meaningful (not just material) Life (page 237)
We're more affluent then our parents; we probably work as many or more hours as they did; we may see our kids less; we enjoy a high standard of living. So what? Are we as a society really happier? Do our lives make more sense? Are our kids happier? Delve into these questions for yourself...